Truth is, I just want to meet my sweet Lilah Bear so badly that six weeks seems like years from now. But I know it's not.
I feel like the end stages of pregnancy are a crazy mix of emotions. Ok, pretty much all of pregnancy is a roller coaster of emotions. But there is something different about the end. And for a control freak, slightly anal compulsive, list maker who plans everything out (including occasionally making lists of all the lists I need to make ~ yes, I'm crazy like that), the unknown aspects are a little outside my comfort zone.
You see this pregnancy brings about an even more crazy ride of emotions. For starters, I know this could possibly be my last six weeks of pregnancy ever :( And some people would call me insane, but I adore being pregnant. I might be uncomfortable, exhausted, and can't tell you when the last time I saw my feet without sticking my legs out in front of me was, but I love being pregnant. There is really no way to describe having a child growing inside of you ~ the kicks, the punches, the hiccups, the rolls, even the constant jumping on your bladder ~ ok, I could do without that last one :)
One of my very favorite quotes...
"No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside."
I love this bond that I share with both my girls. I have the very special honor of being their mommy, of knowing them both in ways that no one else ever will. I certainly hope I don't ever take that for granted. Being a mommy is more than I ever dreamed it could be...hardest thing I've ever done, but also more amazing than I could ever put into words.
Only the Lord knows if we will have more children...this is a debatable subject in my house. I'm not saying yes, I'm not saying no. Kevin is more or less saying no. For now, it is something we will pray about and go from there. I just don't know how I will feel later ~ how do you know your family is "complete"? For me, I just have to wait and see. And for the record, no, I do not want to possibly have a third to try for a boy. If we have another child, it will be because we as a family have prayed about it and the Lord has chosen to bless us yet again. That being said, it is possible that this chapter of our lives is coming to a close. But I also know it is only the beginning to so many other chapters. I can only pray that at the end of my story, I have left my children with a lifetime of love. Things won't always be perfect and life won't always be fair. But I know without a doubt, they will always be my babies and always be loved beyond measure.
So to my sweet Lilah Bear -
I don't know when you will decide to make your debut. I don't know how you will decide to make your debut. Frankly, Mommy doesn't know much! Only the Lord knows at this point and that's a pretty safe place to be. What I do know is that my heart is overflowing with love for you. I am anxiously awaiting the first time I will ever lay eyes on you...a moment that is forever engrained in a mother's brain and written on her heart. I want to hear your sweet cry, feel the gentle squeeze of your hand on my finger, hold you close and sing sweet lullabies to you. I just want you here with with us when the time is right. Our family is ready and waiting with open arms. But until then sweet girl, grow big and healthy. We love you more than I can even begin to tell you. Always and forever.
All our love and hugs, to the moon and back,
Mommy
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